Faiza KhadimI am a mother to a 15-month-old little girl, and I have come to realise that I often feel like just an average mother- taking care of her basic needs: feeding, diaper changes, bath time, and dressing her up.
Yet, as a working mom, I sometimes doubt whether I am doing enough or if I am living up to the ideal of what a good mother should be. In my mind, a good mother is always present with her children, engaging with them throughout the day. However, the reality is that I only have half of the day with her, and when I am with her, it often feels like I am just managing the household chores.
My work takes up about seven hours each day, and I sleep for roughly seven hours. This adds up to around 14 hours, including my commute and a quick nap after work. The precious little time left with her is mostly filled with basic routine work, while her father tends to share more of those joyful moments with her. They have a special connection, often bonding over cartoons, and their synchronised sleep schedules allow for that. As soon as she senses her father’s arrival, an uncontrollable joy takes over her—her hands flap excitedly, she lets out cheerful sounds, and her feet seem to dash in every direction. She can tell when he is preparing to leave; the moment he wears his watch and grabs his bag, her instincts kick in. But when I come home from work, she stays calm and observant and welcomes me with side glances.
Sometimes, I wonder if he is more of a mother to her than I am.
December 2024
With winter knocking at our door, there is a delightful shift in her behaviour that has me buzzing with excitement! She has been showering me with extra cuddles, and it is such a joy to experience. Just last week, she surprised me with a warm hug as soon as I walked in from work. The way her cheeks flush a brighter red when I spin her around lifts my spirits. Her curly locks, her big brown eyes, and those rosy cheeks have completely stolen my heart that day!
One evening, I was feeling down after an argument with my husband. In a moment of frustration, I tossed my pillow to the far side of the bed and closed my eyes. To my surprise, she switched sides, too! Usually, she prefers snuggling up to her Baba, but that night, she must have sensed something was off and chose to stay with me, cuddling close the whole night.
She’s become super attentive to the sound of the bell. She’s even memorised when her Baba comes home—when the bell rings at 7 PM, she’s all ears! The other day, as soon as it chimed, I rushed over and exclaimed, “Aira, it’s Baba!” Before I knew it, she dashed toward me like a lightning bolt, and we were off to the door to greet him. It’s amazing how in tune she is with everything, and I’ve noticed she loves to be my little buddy, especially when it’s time to see Baba!
That’s why I often wonder if he is more of a mother to her than I am.
January 2025
The start of the new year has been fantastic! We got to spend some lovely quality time together on New Year’s Eve. I treated myself to a day off from work, which was perfect for tackling laundry. My attention was divided between her and my washing machine timings. I heard this thud sound, and my heart jumped as I rushed to my room. There she was, having accidentally rolled off the bed, crying her little eyes out! In her excitement over her favorite Cocomelon character, JJ, she must not have noticed how close she was to the edge. I picked her up into my arms and held her tight for two hours—her heart was racing fast with fear and pain. I have noticed a cute change in her nighttime routine—she spends half the night with me and the other half with her Baba! It’s so sweet how she can find him even when she’s half asleep. Our doctor calls her a Precious Baby as I miscarried twice before her, and Baba treats her just like one! He’s always right there for her, waking up to her cries even at 3 AM before me almost every time.
We had longed for so long
To hold you close
Safe in our arms
And there you came
Like a ray of hope
Breaking all our fears
Erasing all our doubts
We tremble still
Afraid to meet your gaze
So fragile, So perfect
And there you come
Filling our world with glow!
Lately, it seems like she gets a bit fussy when Baba gets home from work late. It’s so adorable (and a little funny) to see her look towards the entrance every time the doorbell rings after 7 PM as she waits for him with those big, hopeful eyes. It’s clear how strong their bond is, and it melts my heart to see it!
Maybe this is why I often wonder if he is more of a mother to her than I am.
I understand these little moments shouldn’t make me question my role as a mother, yet I find myself reflecting because my mind often juggles so many things. Balancing the complexities of motherhood, work, and personal life isn’t easy, but I remind myself that being present, even in small ways, is what truly matters. I may feel average at times, but my love for my daughter is unwavering—and I know that love makes all the difference.
With all my love,
Aira’s Mama!
