Kaviru Samarawickrama
I ask myself- what kind of woman did my mother raise me to be?
All these millennials trying to think independent – be independent.
I assumed my mother too raised me to be an independent woman of that kind
Career woman; young and free – A man? Who needs a man?! Kind.
And I’m not quite sure if the definition of independent
Lay somewhere in-between chasing men and chasing work.
Oh, the time has come
For the age we wished to be married – when we were nine
Suddenly comes the time and then you wish
that all those times your mother told don’t speak out inappropriate things,
She couldn’t stop you when you said
You’d marry at age 25.
Before I reached the so-called ‘age’,
Boys were a taboo topic in my house
Boys weren’t allowed in my house
Suddenly turn 25 and my parents dreaming themselves having grand-children
and building paper houses on blueprints for me to live with ‘my future partner’.
What twisted logic parents have
That living alone in Sri Lanka is frowned upon
Living alone in another country is in capital letters SAFE.
People are naturally wired to be decent outside of Sri Lanka – as my mother quite bluntly says.
Sex being a taboo topic all my life
If I didn’t ask friends, strangers and read in my health book at school,
According to the non-existent conversation with my parents till today
Babies are delivered from heaven- or storks.
Men you must marry -that they will speak of
But sex is unspoken of in this household.
Reactions?
Mother turns her face away – embarrassed – wished that the daughter never brought it up.
Father turns red – wished he wasn’t in the room in the first place.
I know because I once asked them what a virgin was.
I once also asked them what a penis was.
But that’s a story for another time.
Home land-phone rings all day- calls from New York and England
Mother thinks boys are grown and decent men if they are abroad
Boys becoming men studying for their degrees in other countries
Boys becoming men living alone outside of Sri Lanka
As if there is no potential in this country to become a man.
My parents come downstairs one day for a very serious conversation.
She says if I find the perfect match,
I should consider living in another country with a so-called partner.
Living with your partner alone in Sri Lanka is not ok,
Living with your partner outside of Sri Lanka is a-ok.
Chasing man -singular sense- around the world
Sounds like a catchy phrase, doesn’t it?
Oh, and if by chance the man in New York doesn’t work,
If that man doesn’t want you,
If that man doesn’t love you,
Stick to the alternative England catch.
Thereafter my mother changes her perspective
If one American doesn’t want my daughter,
All Americans are bad, indecent, shameful souls who don’t deserve my daughter.
It is true that one man can change the entire nation.
Must I remind – Chasing man around the world, it was.
Parents and proposals.
Inevitably chasing men -plural sense- around the world.
Bouncing from one to the other
A casual but obvious repetitive cycle
I question – did my mother raise me to be a woman who chases men around the world?
