Musings Of A Paranoid Mum- Teenage Sexual Abuse

Being the mum of two teens, a pigeon pair, and with the family dynamics changing due to our jobs, we are away from the neighbourhood’s safety net. The place we grew up in is just memories now.

The thing that frightens me the most these days is the worry that my children face any incident of sexual abuse. How do I get my kids to recognise sexual abuse as a gross violation of their personal space?

When they were small, I took care to explain the body’s anatomy, naming each organ correctly. I elaborated on the bad and good touch to my children. I also explained how they should be alert to their surroundings.

I still have to bug them to find out how their day went when they would reach home, whom they were around with etc.

I do this to ensure that in any situation, if they felt uncomfortable, they could say no straight away.

Yes, I am the dragon mum who has been very invested in every phase of my two children’s lives.

Having entered their teens, I have to limit myself from pestering my children about their whereabouts and their friends, which rapidly evolving. I have banned them from not accepting even a cold drink unless they make one for themselves.

Am I paranoid?
Yes extremely. I keep bugging my children about their daily life. And they know I am always approachable.
Every offender I have heard about seems to make the child believe that no one will believe in them. The worst fear of any parent is while a child is continuously abused, the molester will force them to hide the secret, especially to the one that matters the most to her.

I try my best to be friendly with my children and their friends, perhaps sometimes at the cost of being labelled as an uncool mum. I believe this gives me a chance to know if something is amiss.

Every time we sit and watch, whether it is a movie on Netflix or a documentary film, children question what they see.
Even though I try to be straightforward and explain an incident of abuse or the emergence of suspicious behaviour, I feel helpless and limited. Abusers are always someone close to the children, their school friends, and relatives.

They get very irritated when I check their phones. I’m not interested in their silly messages or voice notes.
But I am more bothered about the pictures being sent.
My children are consistently told not to buckle even for a second to a best friend’s pressure.

Cyberbullying starts with circulating pictures of their friends, and to me, it is sexual abuse. I will not let my children send an explicit image of someone to another as a joke. Even if it is allowed to do so, it is still trespassing a child’s right and unlawful. I warn them that they might land up in the police station or be jailed for that.

I have still not explicitly discussed the topic of ‘date rape’. But children fully understand that when you consume alcohol, you need to stick around a teetotaller.

I hope the values kick them on time, and their senses prevail. They should realise that being intoxicated, they cannot make any sound decision, and it is wrong to be alone with someone in that state.

On second thoughts, you know even if we have to face this, I will still be their mum.

I will be the first to take them to the doctor for a medical screening as evidence and then get them treated. Yes, next, I will file a case in the police station. Without a doubt, I will make sure that the abuser is brought to the book.

At the same time, I will approach a proper psychologist to help them deal with the post-trauma. It will take me ages to accept reality, and I will need counselling to get rid of the guilt of never being there.

As I pen these painful words of extreme anger, I hope my children will realise how much I love them one day. All these years, I kept on telling them if it ever happens, it is not your fault. I sincerely hope that I can live those words in action.

Even if I’m the last one left, I will still stand for them to support them until my last breath.