Who is An Accomplished Woman?

How many times have you been asked when you’re getting married? When will you have kids? Or what you have planned for your future? I promise If I had a dollar for every time some random person asked my parents or me when I’m getting married, or for every time I was asked, “So what are your plans now?”, I would be set for life.

I find it so ridiculous, and it leaves me wondering, is that all I’m here for in this world? I’ve completed my education, and now it’s either marriage, or I’m a failure at life? I have no other goals, no other dreams? Why? Why are women still made to feel this way? Why is this society still stuck in the mindset that marriage and being settled down is the end goal in life?

No, it isn’t. Marriage is a phase of life, a beautiful phase that everyone should experience when the time is right for them and if it’s meant for them. It is not the end goal; it is not what you should teach your daughters to work towards. How about we work towards being a better human beings? How about we work towards being happy in life? Eventually, when God has willed it for you, it will happen, but to constantly question a woman about why she’s still single or what the problem is not only destroying her soul but also has her questioning if something is wrong with her. Because it has to be correct since she’s hitting close to thirty and still single, therefore unsuccessful in the world’s eyes?

It’s so toxic, not only this whole identification about who the accomplished woman is in our society but also the toxic ‘rishta’ culture that most women have to go through to become that so-called accomplished woman. For example, I had someone say to me once that if I don’t get married soon, my age to get married and be happy will pass. What!? Who determines that? Who says what the perfect age of marriage is? And who says that I won’t be satisfied if I get married after 30 or 40 or 50? No one can determine that.

Someone else said she’s not the prettiest, but she’s a good girl, so she’d be a good match for XYZ. Okay, thank you very much, but go take a seat.

And, let’s not forget how so many girls or women trying to build a career are constantly questioned, “What’s the point?” The point is I want to do it. The fact is it makes me happy. That should be enough. It’s heartbreaking, it’s shameful, but most of all, it’s unkind. Why and how has it become okay to say things like this to young women and then not understand what kind of impact it will have on them emotionally and mentally? So many of the mental health issues that young women face in the Desi/Pakistani/Indian society stem from this idea of idealising marriage at the so-called right age and making that qualification for being a successful woman.
This society has been and still tries to put the idea in our minds that marriage, or having a family or a five-figure job, is equal to being accomplished, but no, happiness is what makes you accomplished. So are you happy in your life? Are you satisfied with yourself?
Ironically, many people preach about God yet question his will and ways. What happened to keeping your faith in him and knowing that he brings everything in its due and written time? Why not say that to a woman instead of making snide comments and remarks that make her question herself?

The questions people should be asking are, “Are you happy?” “How’s your heart?” “Are you struggling?” “Do you need help?” And the things people should be saying are “When it’s meant to be, it’ll happen” and “Do what brings you happiness”. “I’m here if you’re struggling or need to talk”, and most importantly “Nothing is wrong with you”.

It is such a great tragedy that we still live and breathe for everyone else but ourselves as women of the twenty-first century. Women are being raped, traumatised, and killed in this country, heck, in this world, for wanting to simply live. There is nothing right about that. Acknowledge it. We try to be our very best version of this world, yet somehow not be enough. The day you become a woman, they hand you a grenade, and suddenly we have to choose between our wants and their expectations.

This society, this world is never satisfied. If it’s not your career, they critique you on marriage. if it’s not marriage, “you should start thinking about growing your family.” When will this change? Will it ever change? Is it so hard to look at a girl as someone with her own dreams and goals instead of someone who needs to start being groomed to be a perfect wife or daughter-in-law at such a young age? Do you not see what it’s doing to her? Do you not see the cracks in her soul that you’ve created? Do you not see how toxic it is, and it’s become so hard to escape the cycle the older you get.

As a woman, I know how hard it is because we’re constantly stuck on this idea that we need to fulfil all these expectations, and your age has become a constant ticking time bomb but forget about all that. You have a life that’s your own to live and a purpose that keeps you going. Trust in God because he has your timing planned, and keep doing what you want because you don’t owe anyone a damn thing. Go back to school, get a job, and start focusing more on that one hobby you quit just because people didn’t understand its point. Travel. Breathe. Live.

It’s about time we start respecting young women struggling to get married, settle down, or strive to be successful in a world that doesn’t understand their dreams or goals. It’s about time the world starts accepting that there is so much more a woman has to offer.
So ask me again, am I in love? Yes, I am. I’m in love with the woman I am becoming. Do I plan on getting married? Why yes, I, in fact, have been married to my happiness. What are my plans for the future? I plan to spend every day for the rest of my life making sure that I focus on what makes my soul smile. I’ll say it a little louder for the people in the back. An accomplished woman is a happy woman. And that is the end goal.