Beloved Hallucination

April 25, 2020

 

I settle into captivity 

with a beloved 

hallucination.

Bearing a face of lulling 

lucid dreams.

Our indiscernible torsos collide 

in this sanctuary of candlelight 

and vapour abiding.

Uninterrupted.

And I’m falling into this misled 

by the desires 

of this heart unsettled, dispirited.

Degenerating.

And though patently fooled 

by a mythical substitute.

Alleviation brushes against my hands 

with a tender grasp

gently grazing battle scars.

And it is then 

in amidst a blanket of deadened rose petals and egg shells scattered

that I am conflicted.

With unforeseen emotions 

for the dreaded life that was prolonged 

formerly set between us.

And the covetous life in which 

I would die 

to be living 

with you

once more.

Convinced that your lengthy absence

deafening yet oh so inaudible

imprisons with sheer intensity.

Your screams, how they devour the windows 

with daunt and smog.

Throwing shade over serene half-light. 

Even still the room embodies that of the quietest wave collapsing 

at its harmless known decibel. 

Your voice irreplaceably resides here 

detecting you in all of your soft rage

bellowing within, encircling me. 

Still. I scream for more.

 —To simply fall asleep would be irrational.

Shaye Wallace

Shaye is a 22-year-old self-published poet from Western Sydney Australia. She curates poems revolving around mental health and has an affiliation with the cosmos. She recently published She Persisted; globally in hopes to reach the broken souls and resilient hearts. This was the beginning of her story unfolding.

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