If Wallets Were Skirts

Sir, where exactly
were you
when the alleged offence took place?
Ah, and would you agree –
as outlined in earlier
expert testimony –
that this is a dark street?
Thank you –
and were you alone at the time?
And –
en route home
alone
via the aforementioned
dark street –
where were you coming from?
I see. I believe
that is
a drinking establishment?
And were you
in company
at this establishment?
I see
And sir –
can you please speak up for the benefit of the jury –
when you were
alone
at this drinking establishment before you
wandered down the aforementioned
dark street in the company of
no-one –
had you been drinking, sir?
Thank you. And if I might, sir,
could you please
estimate
how many drinks
you had consumed –
on your own –
at this premises?
Was this
the first time that you ventured out
drinking alone?
Would you care to describe to the court
what you were wearing
at the time
your wallet was allegedly stolen?

First published in: ‘Autonomy’ anthology, New Binary Press (2018) with sincere thanks to Editor, Kathy D’Arcy.