Shruti Sareen Ether Elf, in faraway Saturn, was getting ready to embark on his journey. For this, he had to tie a wide strapped belt, very very tightly around his waist and he was done. He was small, piglet-like, pink in colour, yet he had the ability to emit light in various colours. His elaborate belt tied at last- “jiggle jiggle! Let the world by me squiggle!”, he cried. Thus saying, he began spinning very fast, like a top. He spun through space like he was a planet himself, hurtling across the distance like a meteorite. On reaching earth, that planet inhabited by humans, he decided to land in Sussex, England. He took out his skateboard with wheels which sped fast across the countryside till he reached the little village, Rodmell. Once in Rodmell, he asked around for Monk’s House. It turned out to be a large white building with a slate grey roof. It was a museum now, but long ago, Virginia and Leonard Woolf had lived here. Ether had come here to seek a meeting with Eidolon Leonard.
It was night time. Ether found Leonard in an open courtyard, looking up at the moon, entranced. He seemed to be talking to himself: “is this a miracle”, he said “I can see multiple multiple arcs of moon, proliferating, multiplying, criss-crossing each other. They look like swords. So many of them— bright luminous swords. Is it the moon, or is it my eyes?” Ether stood at a slight distance and watched. The silvery smoky ghost of Leonard seemed remarkably similar to the moon. Now Ether had a special talent of ventriloquism. He could speak through other objects, making it appear as if they were speaking. As Ether was from Saturn, his powers of ventriloquism stretched across space. Not wanting to disturb Leonard’s entranced enraptured and ephemeral ghost by putting his clammy hand on his shoulder, Ether now preferred to speak through: the moon.
“Through history, men have squabbled amongst themselves….” Eidolon Leonard was aghast to hear a high-pitched squeaky voice coming from the moon. “as to the true merit of Leonard Woolf. By and large, history seems to have forgotten him. A pale non-entity beside his wife. Some have demeaned him, castigated him, blaming him for their sexless marriage and Virginia ‘s eventual depression and death. Most of Virginia’s biographers, with much closer and deeper knowledge have given him a Nobel Prize in marriage. Tonight, we will award Leonard Woolf with a gold medal for queer masculinity. Masculinity with a difference. A man with a difference. A different man.” As he spoke, Ether tripped and fell flat into a rosebush. As shrieks and squeals pealed forth from the rosebush, Eidolon Leonard took pity on him and rescued him.
“Ah, thank you, brother Ghost Leonard”, continued Ether, quite unperturbed. “I see the moon was talking to you. Ah well, actually, it was I. I, Ether Elf from Saturn. Once I too lived on earth, but along with my fellow neurodivergent brothers and sisters and trans-people, I was banished to Saturn as earth-humans considered us mentally unhinged. I am as such not allowed on earth, but sometimes I take advantage of nights like these.”
“What makes you visit me tonight, Ether Elf?”, asked Eidolon Leonard curiously. “To give you a World Prize for Queer Masculinity, of course”, replied Ether promptly. “So let me continue with the elegant, eloquent speech I was making before I fell into the rosebush. Ahem…”, he said, clearing his throat, trying to squeak pompously
“The neurodivergent folks of Saturn– goblins, elves, fairies, werewolves, giants, wizards and witches, and all magical creatures besides, have decided, one and all, through unanimous vote of a select representative committee that the World Prize for Queer Masculinity for all time rightfully goes to Leonard Woolf, a man in a million. In a gazillion. Leonard Woolf no longer being alive to receive the award, you, Eidolon Leonard, are the rightful proxy. Now the neurodivergent folks of Saturn are mostly quite queer and weird and eccentric and strange ourselves, being neurodivergent, differing form the normal, and ethicality is a strong streak in most of us. Thus, we have a long list of very good reasons for this award, which I will just enumerate.
Words fall short, Brother Leonard, when one looks at you. For your ever patient, gentle, steadfast treatment of Virginia — despite her initial suspicions and mistrust on account of you being a Jew. We, Saturnalians, look askance at the practices of jealousy and rivalry prevalent among earth humans towards anyone else who may love their beloved. We, Saturnalians, believe instead that an implicit shared bond connects me and you if we share a beloved. This, what earth humans call polyamory, is another reason for conferring the prize. For sharing her with Vita, Violet, and even her sister Nessa, in her most intimate moments. Look at Vita’s husband, Harold Nicholson, and you stand out as the brightest shining diamond in the sky, Leonard. But perhaps most of all, for truly respecting Virginia ‘s fear of sex and for not forcing it upon her, despite your own desires — because we do know that you did have the desire, Leonard. For being so gentle as to stop when she asked you to stop. For continuing to love her so tenderly, and lifelong despite that Leonard, instead of forsaking her as many a man would have done. For being by her side, in health and in sickness, always. For being such a devoted husband. This in itself makes you queer and sets you apart, Leonard. Let it be known that we Saturnalians do not give you the Nobel Prize for Queer Masculinity for any relations of your own that you may have had with other men, but for your relationship with Virginia. Similarly, Virginia’s queer relationship with Vita is world famous among earth humans, but we put the Virginia -Leonard relationship on a higher pedestal, Leonard. Perhaps because we neurodiverse folks dislike penetration as much as Virginia did, so we don’t see anything wrong with a sexless marriage. Rather, we think you a divine angel, Leonard. And it is evident that to you and Ginny too, your relationship was far, far stronger than any either of you could possibly have had with anyone else. Ginny’s suicide note to you says it all. We regard Virginia’s marriage to you as queerer than her relationship with Vita. Virginia was the luckiest witch in the world to get a husband like you, Leonard. For all these reasons then, the honour of the World Prize for Queer Masculinity is yours, and rightfully so, for all time.”
“Well, it is almost daylight. I mustn’t be caught here on earth. Too many neurotypical folks about, on the watch out. But you are a kindred spirit, Eidolon Leonard. May we meet again.” Thus saying, Ether once again wound his wide strapped belt as tightly as he could, and spun through space back safely to Saturn.
